It’s raining here in Los Angeles today. An old familiar rain from my childhood. It’s something that I didn’t appreciate then but I do now. It’s the kind of rain in Los Angeles that will never become snow. A cold rain not like the jungle where I mostly live now on Maui. Los Angeles rain is like a confrontation of emotions. Just enough to remind you that there is a cup filling. And puddle welling up somewhere. This rain carries the emotion of release. And of acknowledging the feelings that have been held back behind dry eyes for far too long. You see, when it rains in LA it’s not an everyday event. Even in the winter time. There will be some winter seasons with more rain than others but always in between the rainy days are the sunny ones and the 70 degree- feels-like-summer ones.
Today is one of those days. And tomorrow too, I hear. I’ll drive and listen to music and let it all flow. Praying I can see out the windshield behind tear filled eyes and speak the things from my heart in tune with the song that says it all. In Los Angeles driving is a thing and so driving in the rain is inevitable. And today, well today is a lesser known holiday which means schools are closed, workplaces are closed and there is no traffic. The driving was a little faster this morning as I journeyed into East Los Angeles to drive my son to work. And all the way home – to my childhood home – I had this beautiful experience of rain and fear of hydro planing in my mom’s beater car while singing my heart out and releasing all the words that have been trapped behind some walls that I keep for reasons I do not consciously acknowledge. Societal norms maybe. Religious brainwashing or familial expectations.
In this process I acknowledged that those around me are who they are because of me. I noted my responsibility to do some Ho’oponopono work later. I also acknowledged what is shown to me in my relationships by my own soul and how those messages sometimes take a long time to seep in. How I’ve placed my power outside myself and felt incomplete when really it’s all within me. How every perceived rejection of self has been my own rejection of self reflected back to me.
And so I think I’ll use these two rainy days in LA to listen to music and contemplate life and the messages welling up in my heart that want to be spoken and heard by me. I’m playing with the conscious and sub conscious duality that crosses the threshold of my heart space when I allow. And today I will allow.
Happy rainy Monday! May the moon guide the energy and the cups over flow.
Aloha Jen 🙂 You summed up very well all of the indescribable emotions of this past week…wondering where they came from and what the heck? I grew up in SoCal back when it rained buckets…and now I live on Big Island. I spend much of my time in and on the water but weather has kept me on dry dock and with that has come a flood of emotions from down deep, buried for too long. I have been pondering all morning how to express them and you have done it so well! I shall, in my own way, ‘cuz it must be allowed to come out and writing is such a wonderful way to release. I have picked up this practice again in all of this releasing…year of the wood dragon – where will it go? Thanks for your genuine heartfelt expressions – you are appreciated!
Aloha nui loa
Thank you for such a sweet comment. The validation means a lot. Sorry for my late reply.